turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
