he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
