She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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