tonight lets celebrate not being married
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
