i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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