you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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