Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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