I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
