come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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