I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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