Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
