I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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