the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
