Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
