when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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