apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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