We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
