.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
