I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
