i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
