I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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