Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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