Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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