There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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