a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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