Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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