Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
