Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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