Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
