It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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