possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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