Your face is a jimmy john
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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