3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
