Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
