You made me cry and you don't even care
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
