u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
