Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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