Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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