areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
