im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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