If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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