my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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