did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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