Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
