what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
