Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A+ Viking dick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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