you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
