Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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