i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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