he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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