In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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