Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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