goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
