it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it