kristin has been a bad kristin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.