Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'

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  (410): i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary' http://tfl.nu/vbb1
  Replies (15) Good night (709) Bad night (2647)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (5332) Bad night (907)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.

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  (856): there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread. http://tfl.nu/6f5w
  Replies (28) Good night (4287) Bad night (1493)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the ceiling is raining jello shotss

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  (443): the ceiling is raining jello shotss http://tfl.nu/ruds
  Replies (4) Good night (3911) Bad night (1052)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.

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  (716): It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead. http://tfl.nu/ixsn
  Replies (3) Good night (2551) Bad night (927)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.

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  (315): He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits. http://tfl.nu/w5h8
  Replies (7) Good night (3380) Bad night (888)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis

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  (740): his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis http://tfl.nu/cmya
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (2976)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

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  (206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p
  Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (1669)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.

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  (305): Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement. http://tfl.nu/gpxv
  Replies (12) Good night (3734) Bad night (925)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night

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  (603): Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night http://tfl.nu/dak1
  Replies (9) Good night (1786) Bad night (538)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.

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  (208): Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen. http://tfl.nu/0ir7
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (838)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.

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  (250): Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom. http://tfl.nu/94fe
  Replies (6) Good night (792) Bad night (922)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch

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  (216): Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch http://tfl.nu/pevt
  Replies (6) Good night (1383) Bad night (386)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.

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  (507): The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it. http://tfl.nu/8csb
  Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (233)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it

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  (+61): I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it http://tfl.nu/kgh9
  Replies (0) Good night (286) Bad night (497)

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