if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?