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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

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• (408): View more from California

  In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Literally.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill

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