Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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  (512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d
  Replies (16) Good night (5080) Bad night (713)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1675) Bad night (4814)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..

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  (512): At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso.. http://tfl.nu/wlhb
  Replies (12) Good night (2339) Bad night (971)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...

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  (412): New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move... http://tfl.nu/y03w
  Replies (12) Good night (3400) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.

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  (908): How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks. http://tfl.nu/jloo
  Replies (11) Good night (966) Bad night (2627)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm dying.

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  (503): It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me. (541): I'm dying. http://tfl.nu/wgmh
  Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.

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  (253): He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy. http://tfl.nu/b383
  Replies (11) Good night (2460) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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  (413): Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens. (1-413): A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck. http://tfl.nu/qib0
  Replies (9) Good night (1512) Bad night (685)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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  (479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny
  Replies (6) Good night (950) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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  (979): Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log. http://tfl.nu/tdyo
  Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (965)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.

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  (505): Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis. http://tfl.nu/t3p3
  Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.

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  (319): Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth. (1-319): And in your bra. It was quite entertaining. http://tfl.nu/axvu
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone

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  (860): grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone http://tfl.nu/vpvv
  Replies (2) Good night (1218) Bad night (356)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.

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  (407): you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest. http://tfl.nu/qs4v
  Replies (10) Good night (1132) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.

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  (419): Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know. http://tfl.nu/qfoz
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (347)

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