I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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