bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
