peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
