so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
