WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
