I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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