i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
