just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
