i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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