Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
