so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
