Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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