there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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