So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
