Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
