alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
